I find it outrageous that 18 is considered legally adult. At the age of 18, I was good at cheerleading, pounding tequila, and getting pounded by frat boys. My real-world experience was nonexistent (have I ever told you I'm from Tolland, CT? It's not even real life there). I'm not sure if it's my chronological enhancement (I hate aging, as a term), or the fact that I'm facing mid-life crisis #482904865209, but I've come to realize that life is one absolutely fucking fantastic roulette wheel, no matter which way you spin it.
I think every high school graduate should be required to spend a few years working before he or she decides to enter college and declare a major. I think that if I had done what I'm doing now at the age of 18, my second degree choice would have become my first degree choice. Life makes so much more sense when it smacks you in the face. I think the same goes for relationships; you should be required to have a few really ridiculous experiences before you're allowed to settle down (more on that later).
I digress. A little while ago, I received a facebook invitation to my high school reunion. While there's absolutely no chance in fuck that I'll be attending, the invitation itself was quite thought provoking. In my opinion (which, by the way, is fact, so it's actually the only opinion that matters), reunions of any sort are a time measuring mechanism; a way to gauge who's changed, who hasn't, who's succeeded, who's failed. Don't get me wrong, I love a chance to tell people they've gotten fat just as much as the next asshole, but I don't think a high school reunion is any type of event I'll ever attend.
Here's why: I have minimal interest in actually interacting with the people I was forced to be educated alongside. I enjoy stalking them on facebook from time to time, and cringe every time I hear the mention of a familiar name through a third party source (and for the record, friends from CT, stop telling people how I'm doing. Tell them I've become a gypsy or something. They're just nosy, not caring). I also have found that the people I find to be the most worthwhile human beings are ones that weren't in my direct circle of friends in high school, so a reunion wouldn't be the best venue for a get-together (I'm talking to you, Ashley Adams).
All this being said, I'm armed with a bottle of Apothic Red and a highly reflective nature as of late. So, without further ado:
SHIT I WISH I COULD HAVE TOLD MY 16-YEAR-OLD SELF:
1. You've spent the past five years trying to impress the assholes you want to be your friends. Regardless of what you do or say, you're better than them. Not in the snooty, turn-up-the-nose kind of way, but in the sense that you actually are a genuinely good person. The fact that you've kept the secrets of who screwed who's boyfriend, and who's started which rumor, goes to prove how weak you are to your own morals. I know popularity might seem like the most important thing right now, but, believe it or not, ten years from now, none of this will matter. You're going to meet some of the best friends that the world could give you - just not during your time in high school. Be nice to everyone, but it's okay to be more judgmental of character. This is high school: popular doesn't mean "well liked." The girls you worry about impressing and being on good terms with? You're going to hit a point, about 3 or 4 years from now, where you'll forget some of their names, I promise.
2. You're actually amazing. It's okay to be smart, and the only dumb thing about you is your unwillingness to show it. Slacking off in class is a bad habit, and it will catch up to you in college (I promise). And those boys that you think won't like you because you're way smarter than them? One of them winds up getting super fat, the other one continues to hook up with high school girls throughout his entire time in college, and I'm pretty sure the rest wind up in jail at some point or another. Social status might seem like the most important thing right now, but trust me, it's not. Telling people you want to be a high school English teacher because it elicits the response "I bet you'll be the hot teacher all the boys want" is actually significantly less cool than admitting you are that weird, introverted chick who enjoys books and would be perfectly fine being a hermit and writing a best-selling novel by the age of 25.
3. Bleach blonde hair is not a good look for you. You're going to go through phases of toying around with your appearance, mainly because you have a hard time trying to get others to see you the way you see yourself. At all costs, don't bother with the nose piercing, or the tongue piercing (they wind up being a waste of money, you'll take them out later anyway). Don't dye your hair jet black (it's going to take three bleaching sessions to correct that one - you, and your wallet, are going to regret it). The tattoos are fine - they wind up being a part of the person that totally kicks mid 20's ass.
4. The secret to a good relationship? You won't know it until you know what it's like to love yourself. So, stop trying to find the perfect boy. By now, you've dealt with your share of assholes who have used you, and you've retaliated in due fashion. There's no need to travel across the country because you think someone might have the slightest interest in you, and please, please don't consider moving your entire life to Austin because someone tells you you're pretty. The person you're looking for will come into your life when you're ready for him to - and it's only going to be once you've dealt with your own issues and grown up enough to realize what you need, not what you think you need. The best part? He's been here all along. You'll see.
5. Give your mom some credit. You're a punk ass 16 year old, and she's doing the best she can. You'll understand more as time goes on, but please realize that love brings out the best and the worst in people - the vicious fights and screaming matches all really are a labor of love, and the frustration unconditional love causes. Oh, and FYI, the next time you decide to stay out all night, just call. Walking through the door at 9:00 AM with a smirk on your face is never the best way to disobey curfew.
6. Stop being such a people-pleaser. The minute you figure out you can't make everyone happy is the minute the rest of your life begins. You've spent your time telling everyone what you thought they wanted to hear from you. Ironically enough, once you start speaking your mind and just being yourself, you'll find the best friends of your life. Even better? Everyone knows the real you up front, so you don't have to second-guess anymore. It's a great feeling, trust me.
7. Wake up every day and thank the world for how lucky you are. Put good energy out there - once you learn how to do this, you'll reap the benefits. Trust me on this.
8. Stop telling people you don't have a gag reflex. You're attracting the wrong type of attention. However, your alcohol tolerance is, and always will be, a thing of beauty.
9. Save all your CD's. Trust me. You still listen to the same shit later in life. And you still get pissed at people who know THE ONE SINGLE your little emo/pop punk band had on the radio and have better tickets to the concert than you do. That part never changes.
Preach.
