Because I can't stand not knowing what all the buzz is about, ever, I recently decided to read 50 Shades of Grey. I'm basically an irrefutable source of literary expertise. It's a gift. I have a Kindle. I digress. I'm generally a huge fan of any literature that comes in series form; ie, Harry Potter, The Hunger Games, anything by Charles Dickens (not a series, I know, but I've named every pet I've ever had after a Dickens character, and I was a super annoying/moody/rude/sarcastic 9 year old who read "A Tale of Two Cities" and tried discussing it with my classmates. It went way over their heads, but I was ahead of my time, so fuck them), etc. However, a recent trend has swept over the nation that I absolutely cannot get behind: the phenomenon of books that glorify the weak female protagonist being whisked off her feet by a brooding, misogynistic, chauvinistic, control freak, and it's really starting to fucking piss me off.
Allow me to elaborate.
If there's one thing I can't stand, it's weak females who cannot hold their own. I will never understand the thought process behind a girl who feels that she needs a man to complete her. I'm sorry, but since fucking when can another person make you a complete person? Take a pottery class or something. I hear hot yoga's awesome. But for crying out fuck, do not, do not, do not, think that allowing yourself to be consumed by someone else is a form of self completion.
As an authority on independence, I can state with complete certainty that until you are satisfied with yourself as a human, you will never be able to have a mature and healthy relationship. When you go into a relationship broken and battered, you allow yourself to become completely overtaken by the relationship. Instead of being empowered by your own self-confidence and self-awareness, you allow the single fact that someone else loves you to help you love yourself. In case anyone's wondering, plenty of people in the world love you; that's what family and friends are for.
I'm a firm believer that the only relationships that benefit us are the ones that help both parties to grow and realize themselves. In order for someone to meet his or her ideal relationship counterpart, he or she needs to be comfortable with themselves. How will you ever know what you want in a partner until you know yourself?
The 50 Shades of Grey Trilogy is about a young, naive girl who meets an eccentric, elusive billionaire (trillionaire? millionaire? I'm unclear), who, despite the fact that she doesn't find herself to be anything extraordinary, becomes enamored with her. This may seem to be the quintessential romance novel, minus the fact that Mr. Grey (said unclear-ionaire) is into super heavy BDSM. The novel essentially takes you through the shy, innocent female protagonist's struggle to wrap her never-been-penetrated mind around the idea of being a submissive to an excessively rich, arrogant Dominant.
My issue with the series was not within the BDSM material (I'm sorry, have you ever given me a shot of tequila? I have sex stories galore. I am far from shy). I will even ignore the fact that E.L. James is a mediocre at best writer. My issue lies in this single fact: the male character the book is centered around is controlling, abusive, and domineering, and yet is still revered as sexy and irresistible.
The book is one huge glorified abusive relationship. Christian Grey micro manages every single aspect of the main character's life, from the car she drives to the clothes she wears. He even shows up and interrupts her vacation in her home town, which was supposed to be a break from him. She often jokes about him being a stalker. I'm sorry, but there's nothing funny about some psycho who knows every detail of your life. My issue with this lies within the fact that most readers are idiots, and most people are incredibly impressionable.
When a series such as 50 Shades of Grey glorifies the ideal of a man who controls his girlfriend's every move and consumes her with a psycho-sexual mind game becomes popular, people begin to try to relate the series to their own life. I don't think there's anything admirable about letting a man make you feel as though you deserve to be physically punished. I don't think there's anything sexy about someone who is as emotionally available as a rock garden, no matter how good looking they may or may not be.
All I'm trying to say is that I truly believe somewhere Gloria Steinem is slitting her wrists because women everywhere are getting their boy shorts wetter than Sea World over some fictional womanizer. I think it's time for a best-selling heroine to become her own person completely independent of any male influence, especially a romantic one.
I'm only going to lightly address the similarities between the 50 Shades and Twilight series: the location, the seemingly average girl and obviously extraordinary boy, the power of wealth, the power of sex, the abuse of all powers, the transfer of control, the voluntary relinquishing of a female's sense of self for some male who, at the very core, wants to change the female, etc.
I'm really fucking worried for the state of our country if every girl thinks that true romance lies within a man who is overbearingly charismatic and charming, yet completely psychotic and controlling.
I'm not saying that you shouldn't read the 50 Shades Series, but I am advocating its consumption with a critical eye/mind. As long as this series is revered as completely fictional soft-core porn, and not as a model of what true love is, I think there's some hope for human salvation.
If not, well...
fuck.
