I Wish Our Parents' Generation Hadn't Been Into Heavy Drugs.

I'm just going to come out and say it:  I fucking hate my generation, I'm embarrassed for it, and if I could personally bitch slap everyone between the ages of 19 and 25, I would do it.  Now is the perfect time for any flower children of the 70's/acid dropping rock band groupies of the 80's to be thoroughly disgusted in themselves because clearly their recreational drug use has spawned the morons that are clearly dooming our society.

I know I tend to be overly judgmental, highly opinionated, and I generally gravitate toward the "insensitive bitch" end of the personality spectrum, but I beg of you, anyone who still has their wits about them:  reconsider your stations in life and please attempt to rectify the terrible circumstances you've helped put our society in.

We're the generation of celebrated mediocrity, and it's only getting worse.  Now, everybody gets a trophy or a high five just for showing up.  I'm blaming public schools and mothers of ugly, under-achieving children for the roots of this asinine phenomenon.  Kids are taught these days that as long as you tried, you did a good job.  I hate to break it to you, but that's fucking wrong.  If you need any real-world examples of this, take a look at the next time an airline pilot crashes a flight.  Nobody's impressed or handing out trophies when you can't land on course.  I'm not quite sure how the over-zealous PTA mothers that demanded the banishment of races with one winner on field day expected this entire scenario to pan out, but it's a fucking disaster.  First of all, nobody has a grasp on reality.  The fact that "swag" "yolo" and "ballin", among other phrases, exist, is plenty of evidence of the lack of realistic realization anyone has.  Are you fucking kidding me, 24 year old who still lives with his parents and evidently doesn't own a shirt?  You're boasting to your peers on social networking sites about your "sick ass Swag?"  Are you even grasping the context of what you're implying?!  You've used an adjective associated with illness, a profanity, and a made up word, to verify yourself?  FOR FUCKS SAKE, GET A JOB.  I'm also a little concerned that my spell check didn't even prompt me to correct my spelling on swag.

I'm willing to wager that 95% of my generation assumes that they have some redeeming quality, when in reality, they don't.  Give it up, you're not becoming a fucking reality star because some girl on Jersey Shore did it.  It's a proven fact:  every girl who yells "ME AND MY FRIENDS NEED OUR OWN REALITY SHOW" is a perfect product of the celebration of being unremarkable our society holds in such high esteem.  I don't think that you should tell everyone how great they are, unless they are actually doing something of value.  For fuck's sake, you don't even need to actually be pretty to be considered pretty anymore.  It's also a scientific fact that, on average, all girls are respective 5's out of 10.  It's the girls who are realistic 4's and 5's that ruin everything by posting slutty pictures of themselves, just fishing for validation.  I'd like to digress for a moment and question why everybody needs to be validated so much.  I'm willing to assert it's because of all the bullshit team building classes we were required to take in school, that insist everyone is special and everyone is perfect in their own way.  Newsflash:  they're not.  Anyway, back to the mirror-photo chicks.  After said 4 or 5 gets a few comments on pictures left by equally insecure and needy of validation individuals, all of a sudden the self-confidence of the ugly girl is exponentially increased.  Now, for some reason, you're not allowed to tell people they're ugly because NOBODY REALIZES HOW FUCKING HOMELY THEY ARE.  I'm all for beauty magazines, I don't give a shit if people think they're realistic standards, at least it's something for people to work for.  Why are we telling people that being just the way you are is good enough?  Is there no drive for improvement?  Are we encouraging people to be unambitious?  I'm also, no surprise, not a supporter of the "big is beautiful" idea.  No, it's not, it's diabetic and deadly.  All of a sudden, we're celebrating women who are "comfortable in their own skin" ... at a plus size.  I'm sorry bitch, I don't know if you've realized it's not beautiful to require a Hoveround at the age of 33 because you're morbidly obese and nobody had the heart to tell you carrots and celery are the new black.

All I want is for everyone to realize how insignificant they are in the grand scheme of things.  Yes, this can be a depressing reality, but it can also be the greatest motivator.  If you really feel the need to make an impact on the world, go better yourself, improve, become someone of substance.  The more we praise mediocrity, the more mediocre this society is going to get.

Living in a world where a girl named Snooki wrote a New York Time's Bestseller makes me want to fucking strangle a kitten.

And in case you're unsure of your station in life, let me know.  I'll fill you in.