If you follow me on Twitter (which you should, by the way @EngelBitch, it's phenomenal), you would know that I generally share mindless thoughts on miscellaneous issues. I promise, I will never discuss politics or anything deep. For crying out loud, I recently tweeted (by the way, follow me on Twitter: @EngelBitch) about having anxiety over fall manicure trends...clearly I am no authority on political agenda.
However, my assessments of society are always fantastic.
One of the most paramount nights in entertainment occurred this evening: MTV's Video Music Awards. The VMA stages of years past have seen some of the most controversial and ground-breaking events in entertainment: Madonna made out with Britney, Lady GaGa hung from a suspension wire while dripping with stage blood, and Taylor Swift got put in her place by an inebriated Kanye West (that was a totally unbiased statement, obviously). Naturally, I was prepping for tonight to be raucous, awe-inspiring, and generally so out of control that Michele Bachmann would be unable to sleep for weeks after hearing about it (and would hopefully commit suicide because she can't stand to live in a country that supports this type of debauchery - ok sorry, my one political plug).
I was terribly disappointed. I watched the entire pre-show, all of the performances, and all of the presentations of awards, and was left with one question:
What the fuck MTV?
The one aspect of tonight's show that I did approve of was the pre-show, actually. I really enjoyed Selena Gomez, as I find her adorable, and also because I'm slightly jealous she's getting it in with Justin Bieber (let's be honest, we would all tap that). I'll admit it, I had fun watching her interview her own little teenage-heartthrob beau, and was impressed with how professional she was trying to be. I also enjoyed the preshow because it was fun watching the celebrities arrive in, well, not in style, that's for sure.
As much as I like Nicki Minaj, I really don't understand what was going on with her outfit, and if anyone tries to feed me some bullshit about it being "for her craft" or "an artistic statement", no, you're wrong. Her look was a cross between having a seizure in a Toys 'R Us and having a seizure in an arts and crafts tent at a day camp. While hers is the only look that comes to mind at the moment, I will stand firmly in my ground that there was nothing spectacular about anyone's look for the night, especially, the opening performer's:
FUCKING LADY GAGA.
Not only was I expecting a grander entrance, but I was expecting a better performance. Yes, vocally, she sounded great. Par for the course. But, for someone who has committed suicide in a leotard fit for the drag-queen show version of Black Swan, hatched out of an egg, and performed on a custom-made piano (alongside ELTON JOHN, no less), she seriously disappointed tonight. First of all, what the hell compelled her to dress up in drag and NOT have a costume change? I felt a little lost tonight without her crazy outfits and headpieces (and no, Katy Perry did NOT fill the void for me). Yes, I get it, she was dressing up as the ex-boyfriend who wronged her and motivated her to become the star she is today. But really? Staying like that the entire night? Want to know what I did the last time I had an ex-boyfriend wrong me? I got a super awesome set of boobs and slept with his arch nemesis, as any other self-respecting female would do. Aside from her apalling look, her performance wasn't anything spectacular either. Essentially, the theatrics came down to smoking a cigarette and pouring a bottle of beer on people. I used to pull shenanigans like that all the time, and that time was called when I was ages 15-19, and those antics only occurred when I was already black out drunk (still not sorry about that, if I poured beer on you, you fucking deserved it). Regardless, she did not set the tone for a very interesting show.
This year, MTV chose to not have a host for the show, which, given the implication that the would-be host was Kevin Hart, was an excellent idea. His opening stand-up presentation was beyond horrid. That man has worse delivery than a blind obstetrician. I was uncomfortable during his short quip, and I can't even imagine how the rest of the audience felt. When you're opening up with "Hey Lil Wayne, you're black, stop skateboarding", you're pretty much doomed. The skits in between commercial breaks weren't much better, but it's evident that Hart works better with scripted, rehearsed and filmed material. Also, we get it. Rick Ross is the boss. Speaking of Rick Ross, his introduction of Pitbull with Paul Rudd was absolutely terrible. The two started with a semi-promising banter about how they frequently get confused for one another, and then stopped the dead pan to say "and now presenting Pitbull." Well. Alright then.
Speaking of presenters (see what I did there?), Miley Cyrus didn't disappoint me in the awful looks department tonight. Cyrus abandoned her usual wardrobe of ill-fitting cutoffs or a mini-dress of an unflattering tone and decided to stick with a grey-patterned full length gown. With her hair tightly pulled back, Miley looked terrible. Maybe she sported such a modest look because she's trying to revamp her image as an "entertainer" but, let's be honest here, no matter how many nun-resembling outfits she wears, nobody is going to forget about the slutty cell phone pictures or the time she pole-danced in front of six year olds. The damage is done bitch. Own your skank status and werk.
The night was essentially one disappointing performance after the other. I am a huge Kanye West fan. I am also a huge Jay Z fan. I really enjoy their collaborations, and I did enjoy their performance of otis. However, whether it was the under-stated outfits or the lack of theatrics, they provided a lackluster performance. Pitbull was alright, but I can't say he did anything ground-breaking or memorable. The immensely gifted Adele put on an awe-inspiring display of vocals, but that was it. There was zero performance. She stood in front of a microphone and sang. Yes, her voice is beautiful, but come on, girl, do something slutty or throw glitter into the audience...your performance was more of a lullaby and less of a show. It's undeniable that Chris Brown put on a fabulous dance performance. However, without live vocals to accompany it, I found it way more blase` than it could have been.
I did, however, thoroughly enjoy Beyonce's performance. She sounded great and looked fantastic, as did Bruno Mars in his Amy Winehouse tribute. Maybe I'm a sucker for large-scale productions, but those two performances were the only ones of the night that I felt were up to caliber of an award's show.
I cannot say the same of Lil Wayne, who I was really hoping would end the night with a performance so epic I would be able to forget everything else that went wrong with the evening. I understand that "How to Love" is his new single, but starting his performance with a ballad was not the best idea. I really feel that by adding a little more to his performance in the way of set design would have helped him out. Unfortunately, the awards show itself dragged too much for Weezy to salvage it on his own.
I have mixed feelings on the Britney Spears tribute. I thought the dancing was fantastic, but I would have liked to see a few live vocal contributions from some current artists. It's Britney, God damnit. There is always a way to do more for the queen. However, I am thrilled that she received the awards that she did, and that she was paid a tribute at all. I have ALWAYS been a loyal Britney fan, and am overjoyed that she has received recognition for the contributions to pop music and culture she has made throughout her career.
Overall, I was really left hanging by this year's VMA show. I had a decent amount of excitement built up with the pre-show, and then was significantly let down once the opening acts inched their way in. Nothing became more exciting as the show got into full swing, and the end was severely anti-climatic. I wasn't left in awe and I wasn't seeing stars when it was finished. Sadly, I was searching for the remote...which, incidentally, led me to realize the entire evening paralleled another situation in my life that had a lot of build up and little enjoyment.
Shame on you, MTV.
PS
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Oh, and I started a Youtube channel. Weeee : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uvtMDzFQzUE&feature=channel_video_title
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